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Article of the Month, May, 2007
Topic: Couple's Who Work, Play & Soar Together!
7 Tips To Benefit Couples by Dr. Ellyn Bader & Dr. Peter Pearson
Founders of the COUPLE'S INSTITUTE in Menlo Park, Calif.
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For more than 20 years, Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson have been helping couples
resolve issues and create strong, loving relationships. They can help you and your partner
overcome your difficulties and evolve both as lovers and friends. Known worldwide through
their pioneering work in couples therapy, they are the founders of The Couples Institute in
Menlo Park, California. They are frequently invited to speak at major conferences and to
conduct training in the psychological treatment of couples throughout the world. Their book on
couples therapy for professionals is used in graduate schools across the country.
Click for more information or to contact them.
1. Marriage is a challenge. Growing your business is a challenge. What
happens when you try to combine the two?
I know first-hand how daunting it is to blend these two endeavors. You see, I’m
in business with my wife. For over twenty years my wife and I, both
psychologists, have directed The Couples Institute. As psychologists
specializing in marriage counseling, we should have all the skills necessary to
blend business and marriage, right?

Article excerpt from: Super Negotiating for Couples
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2.  A couple bonding together is a lot like two people beginning a
successful start up company. In a start up company, the two people are
excited about what they are going to build and the rewards to be harvested.
They’re aware of the synergy of talents, values and desires. Plans are made
and each person is responsible for follow through. Both people know there will
be unpredictable and inevitable obstacles. Adjustments, big and small, will be
required.

Source: Welcome letter to Love That Lasts eZine (sign-up to receive it!)
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3.  The first tenet of effective communication and negotiation is “know
thyself.” This means the ability to identify your interests, goals, values and
desires. The first major stumbling block for many partners is violating this first
rule. It takes quiet time and internal self reflection to develop clarity. If you do
the individual reflection on these issues before any joint discussion, you will be
much more successful. Writing out your answers will increase your clarity and
keep you more conscious when you are describing your desires to your partner.

Article excerpt from: Beyond Vision
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4.  Avoid the two biggest pitfalls in negotiation.
1. You push too hard for your solution at the expense of your partner.
2. You cave in too quickly and are not a good self-advocate.

Article excerpt from: The Surprising First Steps of Negotiation
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5.  What percentage of partners are willing to admit being untrustworthy
and unreliable? It’s hard to overestimate the corrosive effects of poor follow
through in a relationship. There are opportunities squandered by not discussing
and pursuing dreams as a couple or family. There is withdrawal of emotional
intimacy because of subliminal resentments. But that’s not all...

Article excerpt from: Reliability and Trust
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6.  Don’t let this alarm you, but no matter how old you are, how smart you are,
or how hip you are, your relationship to your spouse will parallel your
relationship to your parents during your childhood. Your marriage will mirror
many of the stages you went through beginning with infancy, when you believed
that you and your mom were in fact the same person; to the tantrums,
withdrawal and defiance you used as a toddler to separate yourself from her.
Finally, you discovered your own identity was separate and found that you were
able to love your mom and be yourself at the same time.

Article excerpt from: Happily Ever After
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7.  Effective leaders and effective marriages have three things in
common:
  1. Leaders and partners learn from their experiences.
  2. They learn how to adapt to changing conditions.
  3. They pay attention and anticipate probable future problems.

Article excerpt from: Leadership and Marriage
the more captivated I've become with their expertise,
the more I feel I need to share with you. Immerse
yourself as I have with the brillance of Dr. Ellyn Bader
and Dr. Peter Pearson, a couple who walk their talk as
they work, play and soar together!  The COUPLE'S
INSTITUTE benefits Couples AND other Therapists.
Enjoy these 7 Tips from excerpts of various articles
named so you can visit them in full in the Article section
associated with www.couplesinstitute.com.