| Copyright © 2003-2007 Mo Bailey™. All rights reserved. |
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I recall a time when my son was about 4 years old. I was separated from my
husband, working, going to school, 100% time single-parenting and in a bit of
overwhelm. At the preschool my son attended, there was a group meeting
offered with a parent who was working on her degree in psychology. The
majority of moms met in the library room at a conference table. Our kids were in
class and there was coffee, pastries and socialization with other mothers…a
forum I desperately craved!
I was with an affluent group of women, all well-educated and had the same life I
had (operative word here being HAD). My details of HAD are not important,
as although mine were extreme, the HAD is prevalent for many in divorce
situations.
What I came to realize during this meeting, is while I looked at myself as a
woman among women, some of them looked at me as the token “one.” When
the roundtable got to me, I took the facilitator as my guide and wanting to feel
safe, incorporated that perception, and answered her question purging my
overwhelm and disclosing more than I was safe to do.
I had some repercussions. Some of those sugary-sweets looked at me now
as a leper in their midst. They did not want to catch what I had. The facilitator
was the most disappointing of all. She opened a wound, yet had no skill or
forethought to guide me through to any solution. I was exposed, raw, and just
left there like a flapping fish on dry land, bleeding with the hook left in my gill.
Later, when some women came up to me in private, they found solace in
relating fears and situations. It was the empathy (understanding in the gut)
comfort. Ironically, I privately became “safe” to those women.
So, you might wonder why I am exposing myself to all of you now. Some
of you are even strangers to me. The reason is because I learned something of
value from this experience. I learned to be more discerning and research
people, businesses, etc. before handing over my heart and soul just because I
want them to have “it.”
The main thing is that I gave power to a facilitator just based on my
perception of what I wanted her to be. Education is good. Experience and
expertise is better. With that in mind, today in business and in my personal
relationships, I find my own growth most in progress when around others who
radiate the three “E’s” I speak of: Education, Experience & Expertise!
husband, working, going to school, 100% time single-parenting and in a bit of
overwhelm. At the preschool my son attended, there was a group meeting
offered with a parent who was working on her degree in psychology. The
majority of moms met in the library room at a conference table. Our kids were in
class and there was coffee, pastries and socialization with other mothers…a
forum I desperately craved!
I was with an affluent group of women, all well-educated and had the same life I
had (operative word here being HAD). My details of HAD are not important,
as although mine were extreme, the HAD is prevalent for many in divorce
situations.
What I came to realize during this meeting, is while I looked at myself as a
woman among women, some of them looked at me as the token “one.” When
the roundtable got to me, I took the facilitator as my guide and wanting to feel
safe, incorporated that perception, and answered her question purging my
overwhelm and disclosing more than I was safe to do.
I had some repercussions. Some of those sugary-sweets looked at me now
as a leper in their midst. They did not want to catch what I had. The facilitator
was the most disappointing of all. She opened a wound, yet had no skill or
forethought to guide me through to any solution. I was exposed, raw, and just
left there like a flapping fish on dry land, bleeding with the hook left in my gill.
Later, when some women came up to me in private, they found solace in
relating fears and situations. It was the empathy (understanding in the gut)
comfort. Ironically, I privately became “safe” to those women.
So, you might wonder why I am exposing myself to all of you now. Some
of you are even strangers to me. The reason is because I learned something of
value from this experience. I learned to be more discerning and research
people, businesses, etc. before handing over my heart and soul just because I
want them to have “it.”
The main thing is that I gave power to a facilitator just based on my
perception of what I wanted her to be. Education is good. Experience and
expertise is better. With that in mind, today in business and in my personal
relationships, I find my own growth most in progress when around others who
radiate the three “E’s” I speak of: Education, Experience & Expertise!
| 2007 March Article Avoid False Guise with Open Eyes by Mo Bailey |
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